was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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