The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
