3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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