Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
