hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
