im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
