Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
