It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
