these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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