I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I love having hate sex.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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