You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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