Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So gin and wine won't be happening again
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
