I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We had sex on a dog bed..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
