The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
