He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
