I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
