yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
