Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
