..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
