So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
