There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
