sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
