You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
