On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ladies don't puke and tell
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
