it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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