I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
