At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
