i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
