Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
