when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
