It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
