Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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