It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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