I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
