dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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