I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
