I'm going to jail i love you
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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