We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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