first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
