So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
