Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well I just put wine in my tea
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
