I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
