I smell stomach acid.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
