I hate all girls vehemently.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
