i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
