areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
