i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
