I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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