I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
