hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
