Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
