return my video game
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
