My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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