Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
