walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
we're so committed to being not committed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
