sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have tasted many bathrooms
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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