..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
