it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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