I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
